You’re probably wondering why children are a source of fear in my life, let me explain. Children, when they first come into the world are bundles of joy, perfect angels from heaven. But, no matter how you look at it, children are monsters that are much more intelligent than you think. I fear small children and you should too.

Maybe it’s their strange power of manipulation. When children get to that toddler age they have their parents practically eating out of their tiny little hands. Think about it, when they don’t get their way, they’ll cry, their parents come running, and they’ll create chaos until whatever they want is given to them. Something like this happened when I was seven and my sister was four. I got a Barbie fairy with my Happy Meal and my little sister liked my Barbie fairy more than the one she got in her meal. My little sister cried and cried saying that she wanted my toy. My mom fell victim to her mind games and I was forced to give up my possession of the doll. I have never felt such anger, betrayal, and sadness up until that point. How is it possible for a four-year-old to trick an adult? I honestly want to know.

Children have no filter. Talking to a child is like walking on thin ice, you have to be careful. Children will call you ugly, you’ll laugh it off, but deep down inside, you know that’s truly what they think. They’ll tell you the cold, hard truth and you‘ll go home and think about certain life choices. They can read you like a book, they’ll dig into you and make you feel so very insecure. Things that you didn’t even know about yourself will be brought to light by those little critters. Their eyes are X-rays for secrets. Children will look at you dead in the face and tell you your entire life story; it’s honestly creepy. And along the lines of creepy, have you heard some of the bone-chilling things they say? When they say that there’s something under their bed, you can say it’s just their imagination, but why would they lie about that stuff? When they say their imaginary friend is in the corner, you better freaking believe it. Children are basically the reason for horror movies, they can either communicate with the ghost in the house or they are the ghost themselves. 

Their thinking is way beyond what we can comprehend. They know things that you had no idea they could possibly know. I’m sure you had some kid walk up to you and say something out of the blue, and you just stand there baffled at the words that just escaped their mouth. It’s a factory in their brains pumping out strange things to say to someone. Kids retain knowledge easily from something seen on TV or heard in a conversation, and they want to pass what they heard to you. But you’re sitting there like, “How can they get that weird information from TV when all they watch is Paw Patrol?” There is something fishy going on that we can’t pin point and that scares me. They know something and they can most definitely use that knowledge to their advantage. It’s horrifying that they can just spew out that knowledge and then go and eat dirt. They may act like a fool, but deep down inside I know and they know that they are the superior being.

Hopefully, those reasons made you think of children as one of the scariest things to walk the planet. This is why I can never ever babysit. Children are terrifying creatures that need to be put under scientific examination to get closer to the answer of why they are so darn scary.