Celebrating the Holidays After Loss

The holiday season, with its twinkling lights and festival cheer, often has a harsh spotlight on the empty chairs around the table. For those grieving the loss of a loved one, Christmas can feel less like a celebration and more like a harder day of grief. It is a big hope to “just get through it,” but it’s important to remember that there are meaningful ways to navigate the holidays and even find moments of peace and connection while holding the memory of the ones who are gone.

The first, and maybe the hardest step, is giving yourself permission to change your ways and traditions. The pressure to recreate past Christmases can be overwhelming, but this year doesn’t have to look like last year, and recognizing that can be a huge relief. Consider changing the scenery altogether. Maybe taking a small trip or spending the day away from home can ease the familiar or painful routines. There is no obligation to host or attend every event. It’s perfectly acceptable to send a thoughtful card instead of attending a large event that can be overwhelming. It is very important to put yourself first and be honest with your friends and family. People who love you will understand that your energy is different for this time of year. 

Instead of avoiding the pain, many intentionally center the memory of their loved one in their holiday traditions. This makes the celebration a beautiful tribute. One way to do this is to buy a new, special ornament each year that symbolizes your loved one or an important memory you shared, and hang it on your tree. During a holiday meal or gathering, you could light a special candle and maybe give a moment to share a favorite, funny, or heartwarming story about the person you miss.

Another way to turn grief into happiness is by doing an act of kindness. Do an act of charity or volunteer for something that was important to the person. If they love animals, donate food or blankets to a local animal shelter. If they loved reading, donate books. This contribution is a very special and connecting gift. If your loved one has a signature meal, make it! A simple act of cooking or baking can be a way to feel close to them. 

Grief is isolating, but the holidays don’t have to be! Reach out to people who can offer genuine support. Spend time with family, those who knew your loved one and are also grieving. Sharing the pain with others can lighten the load.

Finally, let both happiness and sadness in. It is okay to experience grief and happiness at the same time. Don’t feel guilty if you catch yourself laughing at a movie that they would have enjoyed. The holidays after a big loss are a journey, and there is no right or wrong way to celebrate. As someone who has lost their mother, and this will be the first holiday without her, it is not going to be an easy time for me. But I know that my mother was a very bright and happy person, and she would have wanted me to feel how beautiful the world is during the holidays. If you are experiencing something similar, just remember you are not alone. Happy Holidays, everyone!